the Table61 blog

“Are you sitting there?”

Normally this would seem like an innocent question, something you’d ask a girl in a bar, but on this night, it was pure stupidity. Most would assume it was just the alcohol speaking, but those who know him know it was just Gabe’s stupidity. It’s not that he was actually stupid, just a little, well, his friends call him ‘special’.

Gabe was actually a genius, at least when it comes to girls. He had a way, a smoothness, when it came to women. He was calm, relaxed, and confident. He was like this because he already had a girl he liked, Jessica. He liked other girls too, but not like Jessica. Other girls were just for fun. He could get any girl’s number, but he never called. This may upset girls, but he doesn’t know, and doesn’t really care. It’s not that he doesn’t care about the women, just that he has seen girls play his friends many times. He just saw it as payback.

But that kind of geniusness doesn’t count after asking such a question to someone who’s sitting in a lawn chair, in their front yard. To further explain the situation, he doesn’t know the person, and he wasn’t invited into the front yard. This was just a person sitting in their yard as he walked by. Gabe was a bit drunk, and he will use that as his excuse in the morning when people tease him about it. But the sad fact is that he’d only had two beers. Now don’t get confused, two beers have the capability of getting Gabe drunk… he was a lightweight. Most girls could beat him in drinking.

Gabe finished his walk and went back to the party. It wasn’t much of a party. It was the kind of party where seven guys sit around and drink beer, talking about chicks and needing to get some action. Chicks were there, but not the kind of chicks that the guys wanted to talk about. The car full of girls that had driven by earlier in the red car… those were the kind of girls the guys wanted to see bouncing on trampolines. Those were the girls Gabe went to find on his walk.

The walk turned up unsuccessful, at least in the effort of finding girls. He returned to the party, with no girls, a 64oz. Mega Chill drink from the gas station, and a bad case of crabs. But the crabs didn’t come from the walk. Supposedly he’d had those since his last girlfriend. Somehow, he had to get rid of those before Jessica found out.

He was sipping on his drink, and his friends thought he should share, being that he had a half a gallon of drink, more than anyone needed. So they asked him what he had. Well, it’s not as if he went and got 64oz. of Sprite. He got a little bit of a lot of different drinks… and a lot of cherry syrup. It was only later that he found out they charged for each shot of syrup. That was the most expensive drink Gabe had ever had, though he’d never ordered a shot in a bar. He named this drink the CherriliciousPepsiCokesiPunchyMisty. It basically had everything in it except Sprite. It’s not that he didn’t like Sprite, or that he ran out of room in the cup… they simply didn’t have it.

Mitch was talking about Meg, a girl he wanted to spend more ‘quality’ time with, but only briefly before getting hit by Marv. A new rule had been established; no talking about Meg. The friends had instituted the rule to try to get Mitch to stop thinking about Meg. At least, that’s what they told him. The truth was, they were sick of thinking about her too, because they all liked her.

Gabe was set, He would go to bed, knowing that in the morning, he would go home to Jessica. Marv, Mitch, and the others would wake up, and go home to nothing except a pizza for lunch. At this point, Gabe realized a pizza would sound good, so he talked the guys into ordering one. So they walked down to Monical’s and ordered a pizza… for delivery. The cashier thought it was a little weird that they would order a pizza for delivery when they had just walked down. Marv explained that they were just trying to see her reaction. She called Marv a McAsshole. Mitch guessed that she had previously worked at McDonald’s. Gabe got her number.

Twenty minutes later, the pizza showed up. The guys ate, music played, and life was great, until the worst thing happened. Denny got on the computer and started watching porn. Now, most girls get the idea that guys sit around watching porn while talking about the women’s breasts, how much they wish they could do her, and ignoring the guys. The truth is that guys sit around watching porn while talking about the women’s breasts, how much they wish they could do her, and making fun of the movement of the guys’ parts. As Denny noted, “It looks like his balls are laughing.”

The pizza was gone, the guys had moved away from the computer, the beer was running low, and the guys were getting bored. They saw their fireworks, but they were bored with those even. They had already shot some into the bathroom while Gabe was taking a shower. After setting off rockets and explosives in a bathroom, there wasn’t much else that could bring excitement. Until Mitch thought of the perfect idea; he grabbed a phone.

He searched for someone he hadn’t talked to in years. He found someone from high school, an ex-girlfriend. Mitch was always in the mood to piss of his ex. After she cheated on him, four times, he was always seeking revenge. It was three in the morning, but that didn’t stop him from dialing. She answered, barely awake, tired, and groggy. Mitch whispered, “One, Two, Three…”

“WE’RE NAKED!,” the guys screamed in harmony, quickly before hanging up.

After a few more calls, they again were bored. Gabe fell asleep, but not for long. Soon his phone rang, and he didn’t look too happy as he talked. He hung up, and sent a quick text message. He then filled the guys in on the situation. He told them that Jessica had just cheated on him, but luckily they weren’t too involved, so that didn’t bother him too much. Mitch asked him why he was so upset then. He explained that she had cheated on him with his friend, Marv.

All of the guys turned around to look at Marv, but all they saw was a big fat steaming pile of ****. The five other guys hadn’t noticed Marv’s phone when he receive a text message. Two points for Marv, and Gabe with the assist. Fags!

–This story is based on actual events, though the names have been changed. We’re still looking for the girls in the red car.